Path: frog!cybvax0!mit-eddie!husc6!seismo!rochester!cornell!uw-beaver!ubc-vision!alberta!tim From: tim@alberta.UUCP (The Bonehead) Newsgroups: talk.bizarre Subject: Re: Bathtubs: Fun vs. Safety Message-ID: <446@pembina.UUCP> Date: 28 Jul 87 11:55 References: <444@pembina.UUCP> Organization: The New Family Home Lines: 190 Turbo Charged Article: Just 'X'! --------- Sorry our title doesn't mean anything, but it sure looks acehole! This week we continue to step awhey from the land of abnormality to the world of hyper-dimensional absurdity of a kind unbeknownst to any form of mankind! He will now gradually lead the hapless reader into the congested world of Bonehead's philosophical beliefs... (Note: 'Hapless' is gradually becoming one of Bonehead's new favorite words.) ((P.S. Note: Number # no. 2: This artiggle will have KNO transitions between blogs of meaning, so BEWARE!)) (((P.S.S.T (Pre-script-so-there): We have for GOT 2 introduce our hapless self in last weags artiggle. Introducing ourself is one of our many billions of favorite activities!))) Why is it important to have our little teeny-weeny philosophical belief anywhey? Well this should get our point across: Picture this if you will: Nihilman fighting it out with Professor Goat of the Deadly Axe. All of a sudden, Nihilman removes his adversary from existence by sheer force of philosophical belief. This goes to show how a nihilistic view of the world makes life just no fun at all. We couldn't even have a frigging comig like the Mauve Bat if everyone was a frigging nihilist. So, just don't even think of being a nihilist! ***************************** Man does not simply exist. He has the power to appreciate the great adventure of existence. He does not simply survive by rote or instinct. Man is NOT an amoeba floating aimlessly in the boundless sea of the universe. He is MATTER which has combined into life-stuff to produce a been which has an awareness of this universe and an ever-increasing capacity to shape it to his needs. In short, man is a good thing! The important question to consider however is what does it mean, what does it signify, and indeed how does it make any difference to the cosmic and/or comic nature of things. To this we can only answer: Eeeee-eeeee-ee-ee-e-eee. (If only we could do a proper Woody Wood-Pegger rendition here!) --separatorseparatorseparator-- "Look before you Leeb" What does this mean, if indeed anything? It means that to leeb you must look first, to make sure it is not the pit of doom you are toying with. For instance, if it is the pit of doom, at least having looked you would know what it is you are toying with. Don't you ever just leep without looging. It could be just a leep into pure BADNESS. So just make sure that you do it. And to be redundant is a wonderful thing. And to be redundant is indeed a wonderful thing, a thing that is enjoyed, a thing to provide pleasure, a pastime worth partaking of. To be redundant can be wonderful, and enjoyable, even. What is it that drives a man to be terse, to be straightforward, to not beat around the bush? Can we know what causes a man to be of such a mindset, to say what he means and nothing else, to get whatever he wants right off his chest, to just get to the point? Is this a question we can answer, or one that we can just ask and ask and rephrase again and again? Perhaps. +++++++++++++++++++++++++++ What is it that drives a man to imitate his neighbour, to do whatever he does no matter how bad or evil it is? It is a desire to conform, a desire to be just like everybody else. We must wipe out the scourge of conformity. Everbody on the face of the planet must defy conformity, every single one! And if they won't do it on their own, we can alwheys resort to PURE pear pressure! That's it, so there! Time vs. What it goes through. ------------------------------ Do we go through time or do we stand still and let time pass through us? (Blah, blah, blah...) Time exists, it moves, therefore it must move through something. According to latest signtific theeries, it is blueberry jello. This is proven by the fact that time often seems somewhat jello-ish and cannot be seen through very well. Blueberry jello fits this the best of any substance we even know. Either that, or: Time is an infinite thing that exists between space particles, and as anything moves, time is jiggled and thus incremented by 1! (P.S. We have run out of BEANS!) Words vs. Meanings ------------------ This is, indeed, the central crux of philosophy. What are the words we say, what are the meanings we mean. Do we mean what we say? Do we say what we mean? Do the words we say mean what we think they mean? Do the meanings we think really say what they mean? Do words have meaning, in and of themself? Could it be? The only conclusive whey to answer this central problem of the philosophical issue is to pit them in a toe to toe battle! Will words win or will meanings? What would be the outcome of such a momentous battle? Stay tuned next week for the results of this historic event. ================================================================= Not only does Bonehead have his little beliefs, but he is also loaded with just TENS of answers to the unasked questions! What really is a neocortex? Well, breaking the word down we get the feeling that it is a "new cortex". What was wrong with the old cortex you may wonder? Well, nothing really, but one must keep up with the Jones's now mustn't one. "What is a 'walled' anywhey", quips the small, purple mutant. WALL-ED: A thing to put money in. Comes from WALL, plus ED. So there. How does one cut the mustard? You may have fondled with this one in your mind for minutes in a row. To cut the mustard is a great experience devoutly to be wished, for who-so-ever wields the mustard cutting knife is in fact in control, in fact toying with his destiny and the destiny of man!! Wregcht! What is a proverb anywhey? Well, if you break the word up into very tiny bits all we are left with is a pool of hapless letters, but if we selectively and intelligently break it up we get 'pro' & 'verb'. This must therefore be inconclusive evidence that there exists a neo-nihilistic group of stark-raving endocrinologists supporting the archetypal essence of the VERB! (Note: '&' is called a hampster-stand!) What is an exercise in futility anywhey? Well, lets say (as an instance) that our futility muscles were really...well, just no dag good. Since the futility muscles are essential to our everyday coexistence with half of some of the unknown crustacean life-forms, we just can't afford to let them sag into a pitiful, yet sometimes sexy, lump of pure badness! Therefore, as a remedy, we must excercise the heg out of our little futility muscles so as to avoid such a terrible fate, or else someone else would get a spanking twice a week! What is worse than danger anywhey? Well, danger is really bad and we all know that for a fact. But is it really? Maybe it is not as bad as we think. If it wasn't for danger, what would be the meaning of safety? Well, at least we know that being left out is even worse than pure danger!! How high is up anywhey? DON'T EVEN THINK OF ASKING A QUESTION LIKE THIS!!! ############################################################ S.P. Don't you hate it when all of a sudden you break out into a humongous sweat in an arts class and all your nodes are soaking whet in a pool of a solution which is somewhat saline, and the constant drip-drip-drop from your chair to the floor really aggravates and nauseates the class and teacher. Don't we just hate that? S.S.P!! Remember the Alamoid! REMBER IT! (If only you could hear the squeals!) EVERYDAY--memorize it! IF ONLY YOU COULD--nobody has succeeded! Just! Ubcoming artigyles of the Bonehead variety (no whey!). Just to put you (the hapless reader) in suspense. Don't even think of expecting. Them! But maybe. * Bonehead's Spaced Out Adventure in SPACE * History of/vs Man and his KIND * All the Cute Things That Bonehead Knows About! * Bonehead Enquirear * International Trigs to Play on Foriegn Cultures * Bonehead's Science Project fore the HOLE Family and His Dog * Sports: Hockey vs. Basebole! (Who Would?) * Bonehead's True Story from His Passed! * Our unannounced STORY of who nodes what. * PLUS MORE EVEN! -- Copyright 1986 The Bonehead. All rights reserved.