Path: frog!cybvax0!mit-eddie!rutgers!sri-spam!mordor!lll-tis!ptsfa!ihnp4!alberta!tim
From: tim@alberta.UUCP (The Bonehead)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Bonehead Safety Rules
Message-ID: <430@pembina.UUCP>
Date: 22 Jul 87 18:24
Organization: The New Family Home
Lines: 85



		       Bonehead Safety Rules
		       ---------------------

 Introduction:

 In the interest of serving the community at large, Bonehead has
 started producing a comprehensive guide to safety for all
 faucets of living. Today we release the first part and we will
 release subsequent parts on a now and then basis.

 Bonehead is a nonprofit entity existing for the purpose of
 whacko behaviour, self-gratification, permuting/changing the
 English language, and exploring the known. (And sometimes the
 not-so-well known!) Our official word is "Whey". We have many
 official items (other than "whey"), a list of which may be
 released in the future pursuant to sufficient demand.

 So here we go whith:

	
		   Part 1: Sleeping Safety Rules
	
 1.  We are safe in our bed at night as long as we have our covers
     pulled up under our chin, that whey the monsters can't get
     us.
	
 2.  NEVER step out of bed when our room is dark, we are
     definite game for the monsters when we do that.
	
 3.  ALWAYS turn on our bedside light when we have to get out of
     bed at night.
	
 4.  ALWAYS make sure that the covers are whell tucked in around
     our foot. Monsters look for loose covers around our foot,
     because this is a WEAKNESS. They can make their entrance from
     the feet of the bed this whey, and we are DOOMED!
	
 5.  If we are afraid that there are monsters in our room put our
     head under our pillow, and the fiends will all go away.
	
 6.  Whether we should keep our door closed is a touchy matter. If
     we keep our door closed, monsters from the outside can't get
     in. However, those that are already in our room cannot leave
     (and our trick of putting our head under our pillow will
     fail). We can also get help from the outside world when our
     door is open, but the noise from outside whill disturb our
     sleep and give us a NIGHTMARE! The debate continues to rage as
     to whether we should have our door open or closed. What do
     YOU say?
	
 7.  Don't fall out of our bed. We could break our neck and
     DIE!!! If we must fall out of our bed, remember to wear
     SKYDIVING gear to sleep. Set the AOD (Automatic Opening
     Device) for an altitude somewhere between the top of our bed
     and the floor. This will ensure that we will land
     softly on our floor. Also be sure to rig up a light bulb to
     the AOD so it won't be dark when we wake up!!
	
 8.  ALWAYS put away our toys from our floor, this whey they can't
     turn into MONSTERS when whe are in our bed and our room is
     dark.

 9.  NEVER jump on our bed, that way we will wake up the monsters
     underneath.  Especially never jump on our BUNK BED because
     then we hit our head on the upper bunk or the ceiling.

 10. Don't put pirhanas in our water bed, they can BITE us from
     underneath.

     ---------------------
	
     Watch for forthcoming safety rules for diverse situations
     such as:
	
		 Eating popcorn
		 Putting on our shoe
		 Brushing our tooth
		 Wearing underwear


-- 

Copyright 1985 The Bonehead.  All rights reserved.