Relay-Version: version B 2.10.2 9/18/84; site X.UUCP Path: X!frog!cybvax0!mit-eddie!rutgers!sri-spam!ames!ptsfa!ihnp4!alberta!tim From: tim@alberta.UUCP (Without Fear of Impunity) Newsgroups: talk.bizarre Subject: Severely Out of Context Message-ID: <464@pembina.UUCP> Date: 7 Aug 87 03:19:00 GMT Date-Received: Organization: Bonehead Inc. Lines: 100 Whey for this to be the Title of this Weak's Article The Bonehead commentary on current issues as paraphrased from recent student newspapers. Cut out, sign and Mail this. We, the undersigned Bonehead members, request that a referendum be held six weeks ago (all week long, as in whatever) to allocate 27 dollars from the regular -1 cent bonehead fee per student to the Bonehead each millenium commencing at the beginning of the universe; furtherless, may the force be with you. Signature Student ID Number --------- ----------------- Animal rights in El Salvador: Homosexual animals should have more rights in El Salvador. Why, you ask? Because they are humans, too! (Almost, more or less) Just a few more billions of years of evolution and they too could get the right to vote. So why wate till the last minute. Just because they don't have opposable thumbs to pull triggers on guns doesn't mean they shouldn't particpate in gorilla warfare, just like us human beens. Introductions weakly. John wants to meet Sue. Sue wants to meet Harcord. Bartholomew wants to meet anybody at all. Nobody wants to meet Bartholomew. Anybody wants to meet nobody. Nobody can't stand anybody, but Sue thinks that Somebody is cute. Except Somebody has a bleeding nose. So there. The Bookstore gets Ripped Off.... Ha ha ha. First they get flooded now they're ripped off. So there. Ha ha ha. NO TUITION THIS YEAR..... Bonehead researchers have discovered through intensive investigation that U of A athletic department will pay everybody's tuition. And that's not all--based on a skill testing answer, we have discovered that they plan to make everybody into a pumpkin for Halloween. How about a Behemoth? Most people don't even know what that is! Sorry, we just had to slib that in there. Who gets to eat our tuition, anywheys? A scandal in the Slavig languages department: Students were invited back to profs home to play tiddlywings, fully clothed in buffalo skins. Where will this lead next? Who knows, for instance. (Isn't it illegal to kill bisons now a days??) =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= Dear Headbone: Dear Headbone, How are we doing for instance? I would like some advice on how to write an english essay. Should I use a verb? How about a noun here and there? I am not even sure I know what these are. Sined, Bonehead Dear Bonehead: In response to your question: Just don't be afraid of sex. How do you think all these billions of people got on the earth anywhey? From SPACE? No whey! There is no budding process for the hapless human! Cosined, Headbone. =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= (This is our section separator so our reader won't get confused!) Dear Hate Male: We never say a bad thing to a person for instance, even though we may not like them too much. So just slime off. Besides, for instance. If you want to reed a serious newspaper, why not subscribe to the Guardian? Or Pravda, even???? Think of the Grind as more of a comic book, with a few serious articles here and there. That whey a full page of lunacy is to be expected. It is a weegly outled to lighten our stressful minute. As for some other student newspaper on this campus which shall remain nameless but which starts with a 'G' and ends with a 'whey'. Of course, but die off anywhey. ()_()_()_()_()_()_()_()_()_()_()_()_()_()_()_()_()_()_()_()_()_() Save a penguin, eat a duck! P.S. This is just pure, unadulterated, monochromatic, polyunsatureated, pastuerised mockery. SO there. P.P.S. If you are a fan, good for you!!! Do you double as an air conditioner, for instance? -- Copyright 1986 The Bonehead. All rights reserved.