Path: frog!cybvax0!mit-eddie!ll-xn!ames!ptsfa!ihnp4!alberta!tim From: tim@alberta.UUCP (The Bonehead) Newsgroups: talk.bizarre Subject: Bonehead's Plan Message-ID: <440@pembina.UUCP> Date: 24 Jul 87 22:17 Organization: The New Family Home Lines: 124 BONEHEAD: His Weligion and His Plan P.S. Ok, so we found ouw capital lettews, but whewe the fwig is ouw 'r'??? OH, there it is, next to the friggin 't'!!! Whey for us to find that! Now we can continue with our article as if we never started it! Introduction: Bonehead is a cult with the avowed purposes of introducing himself, self-contradiction, driving a truck, and sleeping. Bonehead is not quite under one year old. He was conceived BY ACCIDENT! He admires the MAUVE BAT for his audacity because we seriously condone him and we want to grow ub to be just like us! Please node that Bonehead does not condone any previous, current, or future articles that we write! They just fall on the page by accident and we submit them! Bonehead has no god. Instead, we worship a mythical creature known only as 'the Babmoo'. The Babmoo has never been seen by Human or Bonehead eyes. It's description is quite clear though; it has - nice soft fur - a powder-puff tail - a sharp pointed tooth - a racing stripe. It is also reputed to have an antler, built-in roller skates, and a spur on his head, but all these are based on, say, complete self-delusion. The official abode of the Babmoo is upside down in a barbecue pit. The Babmoo never leaves his abode except to hunt down a piece of food now and then. The official sexual orientation of the Babmoo is 'other'. If necessary, it reproduces via the budding process. It would prefer to find a lush young Babmooette, however, so anyone knowing of the existence of such a thing, mythical or otherwise, is asked to call the Bonehead office at (403) 421-1111. The official rendering of the Babmoo has been done by a Bonehead artist of some repute. The drawing has been herein reproduced for your discomfort: Those interested in converting to BABMOOism should phone our office at 421-1111 for more information. AND NOW FOR OUR PLAN! This is our plan for confusion, prosperity, and survival during our lifetime (or for the next ten minutes whichever comes first), in this cruel and harsh world unless of course we're in California where it is not quite so harsh but is equally cruel unless it is not quite as cruel! Next we go home. OK, so here is our plan. First we go home again. Then we take off our shoe and brush our tooth without our shoe! The next day we save the world! But from who??? From OURSELF for instance! Becauz we almost went berserk. OK? Then we eat our supper (say, for instance, last week's leftover Froot Loob!) Then we eat our lunch and breakfast negst! Since we can be a student (but only if we need to want to), we plan to do our worg! The next part of our plan consists of searching for our unknown friend: Our best friend. Who will this friend be we say? We don't even know becauz it's part of our PLAN! Then we will soften him ub with our humor by telling him the Offijal Bonehead Joge: Nog Nog Hoo the frig is there??? (cuz we were sleebing in a wind sog) Bone. Bone the frig Hoo? BONEHEAD!!!! (Whut a JOGE this is!!!) If he passes our joge, he will be our friend forever! After we find our friend, all of a sudden, we will come up with the following idea: we'll find a tree, chob it down, melt it, iron it flat, cut it into squareses and paint queens on it! Then we put ones in the corner with crayons to keep us from being too GReedY! Then we vacuum our RUG! Next, we get married. It could be our best friend, but only if he is a she (a real platter, if ya know what I mean, waaarhghth!) Next, we use up the leftover rice making rice cakes from our wedding! Then we will build our MALL from the money we made from melting down our tree! In the centaur of our mall is the PIT OF DOOM! Bonehead doesn't give a frig about ice rinks because we can hurt our knee! The PIT OF DOOM puts the risk bag into shobbing that was never there anywhey ! Then Bonehead will become (by aggcidend) a famous rock star and literary critig! But only for say, 12 minutes. Then we will die for a while and stop a nuclear arm wrestle and cure a disease for a while. When we live again, we will be hungry and BAM into a tree! Bonehead's final goal is to fill in the PIT OF DOOM with Babmoo chip's and fur! This whey we won't get sued and people will be safe in general for instance. So thanks, OK. This sums up, summarizes, and completes our plan! *** Addendum to Sleeping Safety Rules *** Number # 11: Never sleeb in a WIND SOG at the airport! We cood cause serious CRADGES!! What to look forward to in our upcoming artiggles or not: &. The Official Bonehead Movie and Book Review! Also known as TOBMBR for short. -- Copyright 1986 The Bonehead. All rights reserved.