Path: mit-eddie!bloom-beacon!think!ames!ptsfa!ihnp4!alberta!tim From: tim@alberta.UUCP (The Bonehead) Newsgroups: talk.bizarre Subject: A Day in the Life of Bonehead Message-ID: <432@pembina.UUCP> Date: 23 Jul 87 09:58:34 GMT Organization: The New Family Home Lines: 101 A day in the life of Bonehead First of all, we would like to repeat our self and say: "Bonehead is a pure, unadulterated, monochromatic, pasteurised, good THING! and we intend not to offend any one on purpose!" (Except for instance in the case of an accident.) (For example, "Betty, nice fruitbat you got there!") (Bonehead can have as many parenthetical follow-up type disconjunctive statements as he wants!) We are also smart on the good words and bad on the easy words! But nevertheless, or. Among the things Bonehead distributes, are prosperity, confusion, and prosperity again, but we never distribute knowledge or bad things as such. And now for our day.... The first thing we do in our day is zoom around in West Edmonton Mall singing "Oh Christmas Tree" sometimes. Things bonehead likes to do in West Edmonton Mall: Straft coinds at fish in the pond when nobody else is looging (from the second floor)!!! If we must be late we will go up the down exkalator! But we ripped our PANTS! When we must be bored, we run down the up exkalator! On the whey home we like to fine animals, for instance, a PORKY-PINE, by ACCIDENT!!! Which brings us to BONEHEAD safety RULES regarding PORKY-PINES!! 7. Never try and force feed a porky-pine a rancid chogolid bar. 6. Never take a proky-pine to a BALOON SALE! 5. When putting a leash around a porky-pine--DON'T!!!! 4. Don't put our porky-pine in a plastig BAG!! His quills are very pointy and they can still bite us! 3. Don't take more than your share of porky-pine quills. He will fire them into us at speeds in excess of 100 km/h. (Even though it's a myth!) 2. If we already have a finger full of porky-pine quills don't even try to take any more out of his tale, because we have no DEXTERITY!! 1. There is a 10 percent chance of a porky-pine detonation: Therefore stay 10 feet awhey to counteract the probability of being stuck with a billion porky-pine quills, or you could wear a quill-proof vest, to protect our vital organ! And now for some official bonehead items, due to the incessant demands for our list! 2. Our official species is Homo Sapiens, or in other words, HUMAN BEENS!!! 5. Our official swear word is "frig". (We hope no one was seriously offended or had a heart attack). 1. Our official clause, for instance, is "for instance." 2. Even though Apple Jacks is a MAN's meal, and Pac Man surreal is an acewise exploration-type food, FROOT LOOBS are the official snag of the bonehead due to the high sugar content and the low nutritional value! 4. For instance, if we were writing an English exam, we could spell and wride nicely but we don't like to because we don't like them telling us what to do! e. Bonehead abhors CARTILEDEGE! This is why we don't like shargs!! 6. How would MARSHMALLOWS get into a bone, for instance? $. We are running out of capital letters so you will have to adjust to not being SCREEMEED at on the page. (oops we just used the rest of them up!) x. we are also running out of the letter 'r' so, for instance, we might not have enough for the rest of this article. 7. ouw official whey of doing things is by accident. w. bonehead does things as he sees fit, even if they awe (we awe using the lettew 'w' instead of the one we wan out of) totally bad but not, fow instance, illegal. 13. the official whey of talking to bonehead is thwough the mts messagesystem. look at old gwinds if you do not know how to do this. since we fowgot by accident the west of the safety wules, this is all we have to say, so fow instance, good bye. -- Copyright 1985 The Bonehead. All rights reserved.